Parachute
by Lexie-Rae
Summary: "He hadn't been able to save her this time." The way 6x24 could have gone. Possible oneshot, could be more.


_I don't really know where this came from and it's kind of sad but it almost wrote itself so I didn't dare argue. It's set in 6x24 only the ending's different. I apologise in advance!_

He hadn't been able to save her this time.

Lucas sank to the floor, his back against the wall and his clenched fist against the linoleum floor. His mouth was dry and even his eyes were dry. There was no pain or anger, only crushing disbelief.

And all he could think of was how he wanted to say sorry to her. And to lie beside her with her fingers tickling his chest. And to hear her assuring him that it would all be alright; she was always the best person to have with him in a bleak situation. She could always make him see reason, get him to look at it another way, or simply just get him to carry on. He needed her, now more than ever.

But he hadn't saved her.

His left hand moved to the back of his neck, an unconscious movement of habit. He stroked his hand along his collar, feeling the cool unfamiliarity of his wedding band brushing against his skin. The gold ring, a symbol of all eternity, gifted to him by her. More than anything he wanted to launch it across the room; to propel the irony away, but he couldn't. He'd waited his whole life for her delicate hand to slip that ring onto his finger; somehow he knew that it would remain there for the rest of his life.

He pushed back the memories of marrying her; memories that had been made mere hours ago but felt like longer. It felt as though the night was endless; when he looked back he couldn't see its beginning and now, when he looked forwards, he couldn't see an end either.

He didn't think to move from his mourning spot in a quiet corner of the ER. It didn't occur to him to ask after his newly born daughter. He had forgotten about his friends and family, waiting anxiously in the waiting room. The world had simply melted away when she'd been taken from it. Because nothing made sense without her.

Eventually Haley found him. She crouched down in front of him and clasped her hands lightly around his. Her eyes shone with tears and her voice quavered as she whispered his name.

He looked to her, with helpless empty eyes, "Haley?"

It was enough to make her cry. That one word, with it's broken syllables, spoken from a voice wrapped in grief and loss. She sobbed, great rattling cries that echoed in Lucas' ears. She apologised over and over but he didn't think she needed to; he was feeling her pain a thousand times over.

"Come on," Haley instructed, lifting to her feet and pulling Lucas up after her. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his shoulder.

He hugged her back, but she didn't fit. She wasn't tall enough to rest her head on his shoulder or to reach her arms around his neck and lose her hands in his hair. She couldn't tickle his ear with her whispers. And he couldn't press a kiss to her forehead in a motion that was as natural as drawing a breath. She wasn't Peyton. And he realised that no one ever would be.

"I'm here, okay?" Haley cried, "Everyone is, and god, Lucas, I know I can't even begin to imagine…how this must feel, but don't do this alone, alright?"

He didn't reply, he just grimaced at the very thought. Haley threw him a sympathetic look and began to tug him away from the place where his world had ended. He hadn't thought to move. He hadn't seen reason. He couldn't move from the moment and he hadn't been able to see anything beyond it.

He saw Brooke first, curled into Julian's lap. Her face was hidden in Julian's jacket, but there could be no doubt in what she was feeling. Lucas had heard her screaming cries from far down the corridor.

Then there was Nathan, he was stood, pale faced holding onto Jamie's hand as the young boy looked around tirelessly for an explanation for the sadness.

Lucas shook his head, "I, I can't do this."

"Lucas." Haley said in her firmest voice, one that he'd heard her only really use with her students, "You can't run from this. It won't go away. You've got a beautiful daughter in the nursery and you're the only thing she has in her world right now. Think about her, for Peyton."

Lucas' expression crumbled at the mention of his wife's name. He didn't know how to be a father right now. It was never something that he was supposed to know how to do alone. They were supposed to make the mistakes of first time parenthood together. He was never meant to be left without her, to raise their kid the wrong way.

He scrubbed a hand over his features, hoping to rub everything away, to erase the tragedy of the day.

"Uncle Lucas?"

Lucas opened his eyes. Jamie was looking up at him with a confused expression, "Are you okay? You look real sad."

Nathan apologised to Lucas with his eyes, he crouched down to his son's level and pulled him into his arms. "Come on, Buddy."

Jamie knew he was too old to be picked up by his Daddy, "Where are we going?"

Nathan flicked his glance to his wife and Haley nodded. She knew that Jamie would have to be told at some point although the thought broke her heart, "You'll be alright if I stay with Lucas?"

Nathan nodded grimly and turned to his son, "Okay, Buddy, you gonna be my superhero?"

Jamie frowned, "I haven't got my cape."

"I'm really sorry, Lucas." Julian said as Nathan carried Jamie away. Lucas wanted to ignore the condolence, deny it's existence, but he could see the pain in Julian's eyes and he could hear the earnest tone in his voice.

Lucas nodded, accepting Julian's word in the only way he could bring himself to.

"Lucas?" Brooke lifted her head and looked to Lucas desperately. It was as though she was waiting for him to tell her that none of it was true.

When he couldn't give her any such news, her face folded up with grief. Her lip trembled and her eyelashes blinked together furiously bunching together with the wetness of her tears. "But…," Brooke shook her head, unable to complete her thought.

"Lucas, do you want to-,"

"No." Lucas cut Haley off. He didn't want to do anything. The only thing he wanted was the thing he couldn't have. The person he couldn't have. The comfort he was no longer granted. The understanding no one else had come close to giving. The smile that he lived for. The kisses that he ached for. The eyes that he could read better than his favourite books. The legs that he'd fallen in love with one spring day a decade before. The long happy marriage of summers in open-top vintage cars; with kids who sang along to every genre of music from every generation before them; and that girl behind his side who could ignite his soul with one laboured look or one golden touch. He wanted all of that. But he wanted none of it without her.

Haley swallowed down his biting comment, seeing the sorrow that was growing over his features. She was his best friend and she knew that she had a duty to be the one to stay strong and keep him together but she felt lost. She was out of her depth. The only person she knew who could reach Lucas at any time, no matter the problem was; she was gone.

"I know you don't want to think of anything right now, I do, I get that." Haley said quietly, tears shining in her eyes, "But maybe it would be good for you, to go and see the miracle born from this tragedy…"

Haley looked away. She didn't want Lucas to be angry or to lash out, but she could understand that he might. She'd find anything he did rational at this point.

"Sure." Lucas answered in an absent sounding voice.

She looked up at him, shocked, and mildly pleased. She said a silent prayer of thanks to Peyton and begged her to help them all see Lucas through this. Because she wasn't sure they'd be able to get through this without her.

She slipped her hand through Lucas' and he gripped onto her tightly. She wanted to ask if he was okay, but it was a ridiculous question. She wanted to ask if he really wanted to see his daughter, but she was afraid of the reply. So she held a heavy silence.

The nursery was a place of pastel coloured delights. Happiness and prospects and dreams come true. Lucas looked like foreign being within it's walls. He was dishevelled and broken, lost within his own skin. But he didn't turn away, he didn't repulse in anger at the joy surrounding his sorrow. Haley glanced to him nervously but rather than an empty stare, she saw something different in Lucas' eyes; it wasn't hope, exactly, but it was something close to wishing.

Lucas tensed as they approach the wide window. He could hear Peyton's voice inside his head.

The thought reminded him of a NOFX lyric he'd relayed to her a thousand moons ago. By the lakeside where they'd first spoken. She was sarcastic and suspicious; all wild hair and tall denim legs. He could hear her now. _"First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you don't know me_._"_

His eyes clouded at the memory, the catalyst for the best times of his life that were to follow. He thought of them at that lakeside. When they'd laid together before she left for LA, at a time when he catalogued every memory of her to note down in his novel because he'd wanted to share with the world the feeling that she gave him.

And he remembered proposing to her there, at their spot. Her eyes growing wide at the sight of the ring, like she didn't deserve it. She should have known by then that he'd deliver her the moon and the stars just to see her smile. _"I am so glad you always knew me." _She'd whispered.

He'd known her better than anyone else. It wasn't boasting, it was the honest truth. They'd fitted together like two halves of a whole. Nothing made sense when he was without her. But now she was gone and she'd taken the best part of him with her.

There was just one thing that she'd left behind. Something Lucas knew that she'd loved even more than she'd loved him.

Their daughter.

She was tiny; a pink bundle of innocence and promise. Haley was holding her in her arms, bouncing her lightly, and speaking to her tearfully. Lucas dared himself to look at her properly; the little piece of Peyton that was left behind. This little piece that was half Peyton and half Lucas; the perfect whole.

"Could I hold her?" Lucas mumbled, brushing away his tears quickly.

"Of course!" Haley gushed, she looked down at the little girl, "She's been waiting for you."

Haley passed her softly into Lucas' arms. He held her carefully but he still felt as though he was too big for her, too ungraceful, and too heavy handed. He glanced to Haley, she gave him a watery smile and he knew what she was thinking. They both knew that it should be Peyton there instead of Haley, sharing in the beauty of the moment.

Lucas marvelled at the sight of his daughter wriggling in his hold. He couldn't believe that something so delicate and pure could have come from him. She was beautiful, he may have been biased but he didn't think so. She had soft features and fair hair. He hoped that it would be curly and wild. Slowly her eyes blinked open, startling Lucas. He wanted to hand her back to Haley, in case he did it wrong, in case he made her cry.

She didn't though. She frowned up at him, as though wondering who he might be. She had blue eyes. Not the glassy green he'd hoped. But they were beautiful. He'd never understood before how Peyton had spoken of his own blue eyes; deep emotive oceans that she just wanted to fall into. He got it now.

"Hi," He whispered in a gruff tone, his throat dry with emotion. "I bet you were expecting your Momma's eyes. I was too."

Haley sniffed a little and smiled as she apologised.

"But it's just me, okay?" He fought against the waterfall urge to cry, "And I'm sorry for that. Because I can't lie to you; you're going to miss out on the most incredible woman that ever lived."

Lucas' eyes were red raw with pain, "I am going to spend every day telling you about her though, I won't ever hide her from you. She'd never, never forgive me for that. I'm sorry I couldn't save her for you; for us. But this is what she wanted, okay, so you can't ever feel guilty. She wanted to bring you into the world no matter the cost."

Lucas swallowed thickly, "So, I'm your Dad, and from this day on I am going to do everything I can to be the father your Mom knew I could be. And it's going to be hard, and I might screw up sometimes but stick with me, kid. I'll tell you a secret now, and I won't ever repeat it. I was scared I wouldn't love you. I was afraid I couldn't be your Dad, not without your Mom. But you take after your Mom, you must, because I knew I loved you from the moment I saw you; just like I did her."

Finally Lucas allowed a tear to roll down his cheek, "So hi, Sawyer Scott."

_Would you like more? I'd love to write about Sawyer and Lucas! Let me know what you think, Lexie :)_


End file.
